Day Is Done...

Day is done, time is nigh

O, time is nigh

There is no getting better

No better, oh my


It is time to go

It’s time, you know


Day is done…

Here Comes Santa

Here comes Santa

He’s hanging, yeah, he’s hanging ten

Here comes Santa

He’s my, he’s my jolly ol’ friend


Well, got my Stingray and got my chick

We be lookin’ for that ol’ Saint Nick

Cruisin,’ now, thro the hamburger stand

Headin’ to plant our tree in the sand


Here comes Santa

With a big bag full of toys

Here comes Santa

For the good lil’ girls and boys


Mistletoe, candy canes, and lots of snow

Well, no snow, you know, but the sand does blow

It’s Christmas for you and me at the beach!

It’s Christmas, here comes Santa at the beach!
 

Winter Wonderland

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening?

In the lane, snow is glistening

A beautiful sight

The snow is like ice

Where Rudolf has been pissin’


Later on, we’ll conspire

As we dream by…

Jack Frost roasting on a open fire

In the firey pits of Hell

Hope he’s consumed quickly

Before he starts to smell

Michael Brown, Why You Down

I broke the law

Got hauled in by a white cop

Was me or him

Reached for his gun, and I got shot

And I got shot

And I got shot

And I got shot

And I got shot

And I got shot in the forehead

Seems to me that Officer Wilson’s self-defense turned into murder somewhere along the way. Where was his taser? Wilson had control of the situation after the second [2^nd] shot -- his gun should have gone back in his holster then.
 

The Midnight Poet

Late at night when the wind is right

You’ll hear a knock at your door

And you’ll know what love is for


By candlelight with a quill I do write

The parchment’s silently bare

Are you ready to go, go there?


Yep, they call me the midnight poet

Do we dare go for it?


I’m the midnight, the midnight poet

What you need, I know it

Bumpity-Bump

Bump, bump, bump

Bumpity-bump

Bumpity-bump, bump, bump

P.S.: What is the meaning of this? Well, a lil’ mystery in life never hurt anyone! :p

Roll The Dice

If I, I don’t make it to fifty

Just wanted to say, you know, it’s been nice

Not near as nice as it should have been

But, hey, I, I got to roll the dice


Took a shot, yeah, went for the glory

Got craps in the casino of life

Not near as nice as it should have been

But, hey, I, I got to roll the dice


Ah, roll the dice, baby, roll the dice

C’mon, my sweet baby, roll the dice

Got craps in the casino of life

But, hey, I

I got to

Roll the dice
 

Just As Soon Laugh As Cry

I’m a one-eyed, half-blind fool-is-me

I’m at twenty percent capacity

And twenty percent does allow me

To see a tight and bright bikini!


Thought I’d be pushing up daisies by now

I’d already said “goodbye” to my friends

Quite a surprise to wake up this morning

Thought for sure, you know, this was the end


But I’m still here to see

A nice tight bikini!
 

All I Need Is You

Yours is the canvas that I paint on ‘til the end

Your fate blows in the whispering wind

Life is short, too short, tho it makes a never-ceasing din

Is this the beginning or the end?


All I need

All I need

All I need

Is you


The wind does howl Death, yeah, in a thunderous roar

Torn to tatters, my heart is sore

My brush is broken, and now there is nothing more

The fury of Hell slammed the door


All I need

All I need

All I need

Is you


Yours is the canvas that I paint on ‘til the end

Tell me: what was, what was my sin?

Damning With Faint Praise

O, me and the Lord, we had us a deal

Restore my sight, I’d sing His praises for real

He didn’t do that, but I am feelin’ just fine

Praise the Lord, you know, He stopped the decline


He stopped the decline

He stopped the decline

Praise the Lord, the healer of mankind

He stopped the decline


I fell in a well, was tumblin’ down

The Lord caught me before I hit ground

Looking thro tubes at what I can see

Praise the Lord, you know, I mean sincerely


He stopped the decline

He stopped the decline

Praise the Lord, the healer of mankind

He stopped the decline

Two Princes Of Darkness

:p Is it too late to get in on that vampire craze?

O, me and Dracula will suck

Life out of you

Capturing emotions with words

Is what I do


Dracula, you see, likes to chomp

Your juicy neck

Bad, bad boys, yes, we are, you know

From bloody Heck!
 

B.A.M.

October is B.A.M. -- Breast Awareness Month. Join me in a celebration, an awareness and appreciation of BIG bouncy Boobs! :p Now, I am well-aware of the devastation that Breast Cancer can cause, having lost a loved one [1] to that disease. But let's keep thangs positive. After all, NOTHING is more important in life than a happy healthy Breast!

Yes, I am incorrigible.... :p

Sellin' Pencils On The Dock Of The Bay

Sellin’ pencils on the dock of the bay

Listening to the tide slip away


I was lead to the dock of the bay

Told to sit down and sit all day


There are no plans for tomorrow

I’m just waiting, waiting to go


There are no plans that I can see

Death has already overtaken me


Sellin’ pencils on the dock of the bay

Listening to the tide slip away


* whistlin’ *


(a coda, when I’m in the mood)


Hittin’ on girls who offer to help me

There’s more than ‘nuff that I can see


The sun does splash, the ‘gulls do say

Sellin’ pencils on the dock of the bay

BIBLICAL NEWS

The Book Of Hillary (which was kept out of the Bible by men for obvious reasons):

In the beginning, God created woman in her own image. And she saw that it was good.

God decided woman needed a dumb brute for a companion to do the heavy lifting. That is where man come from.

The problem is, man is so dumb that he thinks he’s in charge.

P.S.: Did God dangle a preposition or did a man screw up the translation?

So, Goodbye, Dear Friend

Get out your tissues. This be about the transitory nature of life.

Another day, another soul has passed

Quietly, he breathed his last

No trumpets blared, no thunder rolled

Silently, another soul has gone


There was no, no Farewell Address

A brief summary of his parts

Another soul who made no, no waves

He, he left only empty hearts


So, as I do say. goodbye, dear friend

‘Til that day, when we meet again
 
Edwin Stallings (1934-2014) was a friend and neighbor of Gran & Grandma. He used to stop in nearly every day, and he and Gran would solve all the world’s problems. After Gran passed in 2001, he helped Grandma with her garden nearly every day. When Grandma gave up driving, he remained Grandma’s link to town, the latest news and gossip. When Grandma finally could no longer accept visitors, Edwin still often stopped to check in with a family member. Of course, Edwin attended Grandma’s funeral in 2011.

No statue of you, and no plaque, too

No one heard a twenty-one gun salute

And, now, you are only a memory --

But you did mean a lot to me

THUNDERSTRUCK... By AC/DC ;)

Aurgh, ah, auh…

Aurgh, ah, auh…

Aurgh, ah, auh…

Aurgh, ah, auh…


Aurgh, ah, auh… THUNDER

Aurgh, ah, auh… THUNDER

Aurgh, ah, auh… THUNDER

Aurgh, ah, auh… THUNDER


I was caught in the middle of railroad tracks… THUNDER

And I knew, knew there’d be no turning back… THUNDER

A train, yeah, straight from Hell coming for me… THUNDER

And I knew, knew I was ‘bout to be… THUNDER


The conductor had horns and a pointy tail… THUNDER

Those steel wheels smoked on those iron rails… THUNDER

If she’s good for you, she’s good for me… THUNDER

And I knew, knew I was ‘bout to be… THUNDER


I was shakin’ like a leaf

When a calm came over me

Knew I was ‘bout to be…


THUNDERSTUCK… by AC/DC

THUNDERSTUCK… by AC/DC

Oooh, oooh, yeah

THUNDERSTUCK… by AC/DC


Aurgh, ah, auh…

Aurgh, ah, auh…

Aurgh, ah, auh…

Aurgh, ah, auh…


THUNDERSTUCK… by AC/DC

THUNDERSTUCK… by AC/DC

Oooh, oooh, yeah

THUNDERSTUCK…

By, by AC/DC
 

Just Call Me Uncle Roscoe :p

I’m the Uncle who is locked in the attic every day

The Uncle no one politely talks about

I’m the Uncle who is wheeled out on a holiday

Uncle Roscoe, I like to watch, no doubt

Take The Red Line

The Red Line is the bus that runs between my niece’s apartment complex and N.C. State.

Fans of Elvis may recognize “Love Me Tender.” Not an Elvis fan? What is wrong with you? :p

Take the red line to your class

All your dreams fulfilled

Take the red line, I love you

And I always will


On the banks of the river of knowledge

Cast in your line

Facts will wiggle, facts will nibble

In the sunshine


Take the red line to your class

Reel in your catch

Take the red line, howl for me

Raleigh is where it’s at

That Achin' Need

She got me in her clutches

She got me in her clutches

She will make me bleed


Yeah yeah, oh, um um, yeah

I got that achin’ need


She will rip my heart out

She will rip my heart out

She will make me bleed


Yeah yeah, oh, um um, yeah

I got that achin’ need


She’s a devil, she’s a devil

I’ll do anything for her


She’s a devil, she’s a devil

I’ll do ANYTHING for her


She’s a devil, she’s a devil

I’ll do ANY THING for her


Before you go, and I’m gone

Before you go, and I’m gone

Can we do the dirty deed?


Yeah yeah, oh, um um, yeah

I got, um, that achin’ need

 

MOVIE SCRIPT: Spanktopus

MOVIE SCRIPT: Spanktopus, a tongue-in-cheek spoof of SyFy movies featuring LOTS of bikinis and LOTS of red bottoms. An old teacher -- Betty White? -- dies and goes to Hell and is reincarnated as Spanktopus, an octopus with a hand on four tentacles. She is sent back to continue her naughty non-lethal habit of spanking… which she does… by patrolling the beaches and marinas, wrapping a tentacle around thighs and spanking with her hands on the other tentacles. Perverted Catholic priests are called in to perform an exorcism, but they are met with opposition form the local business community who enjoys being overrun during Spring Break. As the mayor of Spanktopus U.S.A. says “A lot of young women like to be spanked.”

P.S.: Didn’t know I had it in me, did you? Who wants to go to the Academy Awards with me when I pick up my Oscar for best screenplay?

The Queen Of 'Tweens

Pop, ding-a-ling

She’s the Queen of ‘Tweens


Well, she’s a goody, a goody queen

Made of sugar and spice, and nothing mean

Chocolate melts in her mouth, not in her hand

She always wins, yeah, at Candyland


Pop, ding-a-ling

She’s the Queen of ‘Tweens


Well, she and her friends rule the world

Everybody, you know, loves a ‘tween girl

Daddy’s lil’ princess, she spends the money

She do control the purse strings, honey


Pop, ding-a-ling

She’s the Queen of ‘Tweens


She’s a real queen, the Queen of ‘Tweens

Bomp, bomp

She’s a real queen, the Queen of ‘Tweens

Bomp, bomp

She’s a real queen, the Queen of ‘Tweens

And she’s a pre-pre-teen!

Bomp, bomp

Bomp, bomp


Pop, ding-a-ling

She’s the Queen of ‘Tweens

Arm Your Children Well

Where’s Crosby, Stills, Nash &Young when you need them???

“The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” -- Wayne LaPierre

Arm your children well

Don’t let ‘em leave the house day or night

Without knowing their second amendment rights

When Elmer Fudd hunts ‘em down

Teach ‘em to stand their ground

Give those hunters a lil’ taste of Hell


And know they’ll love you


Arm your children for real

‘Shoot first or be shot’ is the cry

In case they want to know why

A box of Skittles

Won’t solve life’s riddles

The answer is cold hard steel


And know they’ll love you


Arm your children well

Give those hunters a lil’ taste of Hell

Arm your children for real

The answer is cold hard steel


And know they’ll love you

(If they don’t shoot you)

 

A Bouquet Of Red Panties

Giving new meaning to “Dead Man’s Curve…” :p

I was cruising in my Stingray late one night

All anybody could see were my six tail-lights

When a girl waved me down and handed to me

A bouquet of red panties


Daddy used to say:

A bouquet of red panties

It’s no place to play

A bouquet of red panties

Best to keep away

A bouquet of red panties

WON’T SURVIVE THOSE RED PANTIES!


I gunned my Stingray and took her home for the night

Looking forward, you know, to some raunchy delight

She had me begging on my knees

A bouquet of red panties


Daddy always said:

A bouquet of red panties

It’s no place to play

A bouquet of red panties

Best to keep away

A bouquet of red panties

WON’T SURVIVE THOSE RED PANTIES!


Well, the last thing I remember, doc, I fell back on the bed

Red panties flew at my head

I guess I know now what it’s like to be dead

DIDN’T SURVIVE THOSE RED PANTIES!


I guess Daddy was right:

A bouquet of red panties

It’s no place to play

A bouquet of red panties

Best to keep away

A bouquet of red panties

WON’T SURVIVE THOSE RED PANTIES!

 

It's A Happy Day!

Never thought I’d see it

Never thought it’d be here

Never thought it’d come my way

It’s a happy day!


A Happy Day happened ‘cause you look so good

You were made for lovin,’ you knew you would

A Happy Day happened ‘cause you can’t resist

You can’t resist a sight like this


These

These

These

These

These are the days

These are the Happy Days

‘Cause I’m still alive


I’m just sitting by the pool singing my song

When a girl walks by wearing a thong

Ah, I love life!

Ah, ah, I, I love life!!

 

I Ain't Seen No Light

This is my answer to Hank William’s “I Saw The Light.” Yes, I realize the rhyme scheme changes from William’s optimism to my more cynical view. You are in the presence of genius, my friend. How does it feel? ;p

O, I know that life is supposed to be fine

If only I, I let sweet Jesus in

Soon, we’ll be basking in the sunshine

I’ll be walking hand-in-hand with Him


Like the beggar with his lantern piercing the night

Jesus is supposed to come and restore my sight

He’ll make the dark corners of life shine bright

But, Damn God, I ain’t seen no light


I ain’t seen no light

I ain’t seen no light

Damn God, I ain’t seen no light


Butter beans and corn, snaps and iced tea

Fried chicken and biscuits, creamed potatoes for me

Hiding from Jehovah’s Witnesses, and then I wonder why

Jesus never comes to shine His light


Like the beggar with his lantern piercing the night

Jesus is supposed to come and restore my sight

He’ll make the dark corners of life shine bright

But, Damn God, I ain’t seen no light


I ain’t seen no light

I ain’t seen no light

Damn God, I ain’t seen no light

P.S.: Every good Southerner knows that “why” and “light” rhyme.

A Different Path

Your life has just begun.

You’ve chosen a different path, a path that will be hard

(a path that will be more difficult than what was hoped for you).

But that’s OK.

It is up to you, it‘s all in your hands now.


Perhaps a child will give you direction and purpose, a new maturity.


There will be milestones along the way.


You will teach your child to walk and talk

(and spend years saying “sit down” and “shut up”).

There will be Halloweens, pictures with Santa and off to Kindergarten.

You will teach your child to ride a bicycle.

You will teach your child to drive a car.


You will pass down the hard lessons you’ve learned in life:

Avoid alcohol, cigarettes and other mood-altering stuff

(reality is hard enough to deal with on a real basis).

Stay focused in school.


Watch your child graduate high school with honors

(and move on to college, say, N.C. State, to get a real education).

Watch your child get a job and then get married and then have children.


At age 50, you can starting spoiling your grandchildren

(and know that you did good).

P.S.: It’s called “free verse,” you nimrod.

The Queen Of Porn

I got in last night at half-past ten

My e-box said I had something in

So I checked to see what it was

I smiled, it was from a good friend


So, I opened to see what it was about

My jaw did drop, my tongue rolled out

Pictures of naked women, yes, naughty naked women

One after another, letting it all hang out


What it was, was Porn

Naughty naked Porn

How could she send that to me?

When I think of her now, she’ll always be…


THE QUEEN OF PORN


She’ll always be…


THE QUEEN OF PORN

When The Roll Is Called Up Yonder

Who knew I could write hymns!?!

When the roll is called up yonder

And we take, we take that final stand

The Lord will have but one question:

How did you treat your fellow man?


How did you treat your fellow man?

How did you treat your fellow man?

How did you treat?

How did you treat your fellow man?


The Lord said:

I’ve appeared many times to you

As someone who needed a hand

What do you say, say now?

How did you treat your fellow man?


When the roll is called up yonder

And I shake, shake on that final stand

I will ponder the Lord’s question:

How did I treat my fellow man?


How did I treat my fellow man?

How did I treat my fellow man?

How did I treat?

How did I treat my fellow man?

Bikinis

Short… bawdy humor -- this could be my “signature” poem. :p

I think that I shall never see

A poem as lovely as a bikini


A bikini, you know, covers a girl’s naughty bits

Including -- well, um, my lips are zipped


A bikini covers naughty bits from head to toe

And that’s all you really need to know


Poems are made by fools like me

But only the Devil can make a bikini!

It’s Quarter-To-Four

I went down to the crossroads, again, and I picked up another tune:

It’s quarter-to-four, and I’m staring at the freakin’ ceiling

It’s quarter-to-four, and I’m staring at the freakin’ ceiling

I really should be sleeping


All night long


It’s five a.m., and I’m getting ready for the dawn

It’s five a.m., and I’m getting ready for the dawn

C’mon, c’mon

C’mon, c’mon


All night long


It’s six-fifteen, and the Devil is putting on quite a show

It’s six-fifteen, and the Devil is putting on quite a show

The Devil said, it’s time to go

The Devil said, it’s time to go

The Devil said, it’s time to go


Dontcha know?


The Devil said, it’s time to go

The Devil said, it’s time to go

The Devil said, it’s time to go


Dontcha know?

This Is My Time

For my niece who‘ll be attending N.C. State in the Fall of ‘14 majoring in Forestry. Perhaps she can join that National Championship bass fishing team! ;O Seriously, my niece actually does like fishing -- she just stopped by yesterday with a picture of her latest catch. She usually goes a couple of times a week.

This is my time, this is my time to shine

Aw, you know, can’t everybody see?

This is my time, this is my time to shine

It’s up to me to be me!


It’s time to spread my wings

I’m gonna save the world

‘Cause I am a super girl

It’s time to do my thing


Yes, I’ll be a Wolfie, you know, we are the best

With a hand behind our back, we’ll take on all the rest


GO TO HELL, CAROLINA


This is my time, this is my time to shine

Hope I find it in Raleigh

This is my time, this is my time to shine

It’s up to me to be me!

P.S.: Usually, I hate hatred, but some things in life just deserve to be hated -- the KKK, dog fighting, child prostitution, CAROLINA.
 

My Baby Done Gone To Raleigh

I went down to the crossroads, and I picked up this tune:

When bus fumes hit my face, I knew this was the place

When bus fumes hit my face, I knew this was the place

Where we’d say goodbye


All my love been wasted


When the bus left po’ me, the sign did flash “Raleigh”

When the bus left po’ me, the sign did flash “Raleigh”

And we said goodbye


All my love been wasted


She said, hope you understand

She said, hope you understand

But you just ain’t the man


My baby done gone to Raleigh

My baby done gone to Raleigh

Hope she finds what she needs to be


My baby done gone to Raleigh

All my love been wasted

Ya Can’t Get To Heaven If Ya Hate Anyone

Inspired by the Rolling Stones’ “Ya Can’t Always Get What Ya Want” -- is that really necessary? This is more of a quasi-political chant than poetry. No rhyme this time. :p

Ya can’t get to heaven if ya hate anyone

Ya can’t get to heaven if ya hate anyone

Ya can’t get to heaven if ya hate anyone

But if you wanna get to heaven, yeah, ya gotta love your fellow man


This truth is self-evident:

Every man is my superior in that I may learn from him

Every man is my superior

Every man is my superior

Every man is my superior -- even Dick Cheney


Ya can’t get to heaven if ya hate anyone

Ya can’t get to heaven if ya hate anyone

Ya can’t get to heaven if ya hate anyone

But if you wanna get to heaven, yeah, ya gotta love your fellow man

Black Magic Cousin

:p

She’s my black magic cousin

She can make the sun set sideways

She gets younger and younger

Year after year, all the days


Oo, yeah, can’t anybody see?

She trying to make a devil out of me


She’s my black magic cousin

She floats thro the air

She’s nature’s child

With long blonde hair


Oo, yeah, she may be a gypsy queen

If you know, yes, what I mean


She’s my black magic cousin

Arriving in a steamy fog

Oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh

With her bionic dog


Voodoo makes a slight return for a lil’ bit

With her meaty chickens and a firepit


She’s… my… black magic… cousin

Can We Get A Lil’ Sympathy Here?

What has the Devil been up to lately?

Please allow me to introduce myself

I'm a man of wealth and taste

I've been around for a long, long year

Stole many a man's soul and fate


I wrote the GOP plank

Tax cuts for the wealthy, help for no one else

I killed religion in America

‘Love thy neighbor’ is now every man for himself


Pleased to meet you

Hope you guess my name, oh yeah

But what's confusing you

Is just the nature of my game, ooh yeah


America, America, a dead society

We are all adrift in this great big sea

Ain’t ya proud? I know I am

‘All men are created equal’ has been dissed


Just as every cop is a criminal

And all the sinners saints

As heads is tails just call me Lucifer

I'm in need of some restraint


So if you meet me, have some courtesy

Have some sympathy and some taste

Use all your well learned politics

Or I'll lay your soul to waste, mmm yeah

P.S.: Jagger/Richards/… and me

The Blind Man Begs...

I feel the sunshine on my face

But why can’t I see?

The world is a lovely place

Well, it used to be


I want to see the blue sky so sweet

Or the green grass under my feet

The bright water with white caps

Is that too much to ask?


One more time…


The blind man begs…


Just one more time…

It’s A Low Down Dirty Shame

The Bastard sings the blues… :p

It’s a low down dirty shame

What that woman has done to me

She got to pay

And pay dearly


Hang your head woman

Hang your head and cry

Tonight’s the night

You gonna die


It’s a low down dirty shame

What that woman has done

She cannot hide

Can’t hide from my gun


Hang your head woman

Hang your head and cry

Tonight’s the night

You gonna die


It’s a low down dirty shame

What that woman makes me do

Thank you, woman

Many ‘Thanks’ to you

Ode To The Titanic

Ripped from the headlines of 1912, every poet should write about this subject.

Twenty-two hundred souls

Sailed on that fateful trip

Not even God himself

Could sink that unsinkable ship


The Captain lay dreaming

The Titanic was sinking

Beggin’ down upon her bended knee

To be swallowed by the endless sea


Ladies and gentlemen dressed in their Sunday best

The gentlemen gambled the night away

Diamonds sparkled in their gilded nests

Never to see the light of day


Women and children first, as the band played on

The morality play unfolded over a hundred years ago

Moans and wails and cries, silence by the dawn

There are still echoes as tho it was a brand new show


The Captain lay dreaming

The Titanic was sinking

Beggin’ down upon her bended knee

To be swallowed by the endless sea


Twenty-two hundred souls

Stared death in the face

Over fifteen hundred

Met their final resting place

Ain't No Footprints In The Sand

I have a friend who plays the guitar. Perhaps he can make a folk song out of this. What do you say, Ray?

When I look back over the trail we made

The years pass in a blur, memories fade

Years of walking hand-in-hand

But ain’t no footprints in the sand


Ain’t no footprints that I can see

O why, Lord, have You forsaken me?

You’re either dead or just don’t give a damn

Ain’t no footprints in the sand


I know how the tale is supposed to be

I grow weary, and You’ll carry me

I’m tired, now, and could use a hand

But ain’t no footprints in the sand


Ain’t no footprints in the sand

I’ve stumbled, and I’d really like to know

Oh, mercy, ain’t no footprints in the sand

Where did You go, Lord? Where did You go?

Ain’t no footprints in the sand

The Auto Parts Man

My worthless [;)] nephew has finally landed his first [1^st] job, a real job with benefits -- health insurance, a retirement plan and a uniform.

Hey, baby, come and see me at the auto parts store

I’ll make your wheels squeal and your motor roar


I can straighten your chassis in record time

I can align your tires in a straight line


I can do it all -- and even more

Hey, baby, come and see me at the auto parts store

I’m Smiling At Bear

Frank Sinatra croons…


I’m smiling at Bear

‘Cause Bear is smiling at me

Bear is the only one who cares

The only one who cares for me


Bear keeps me warm at night

He toots on me

We snuggle o so tight

Sweet as can be


Let’s all sing a song of love for Be-eh-ar

Let’s all float our love throu-eh-ough the air


Bear, you know. is my stuffed gorilla

With thick black hair

My grandma named him, fella

So, thus and there

P.S.: I’ve hit a rough patch. This may be it for a while…

The N.C. State Fight Song 2014

Consider “the rules” of good poetry to be relaxed in this tongue-in-cheek exercise…


We’re the Red and White from State

And we got no respect

For those boys in baby blue


They’re pampered with free rides

And they take fake classes, too

Those boys in baby blue


Cheating is OK

It’s The Carolina Way

Let’s beat those snots in baby blue

GO STATE


We play fair, straight up every day

Truth, Justice, it’s the Wolfpack Way

We are the Red and White from N.C. State


And The Carolina Way (with apologies to Jimi Hendrix)…


The Carolina Way, all in my brain,

Being told by Dan Kane.

Rappin’ and fartin’ -- but I don’t know why.

Excuse me… while I plagiarize!


 

Officer Ryan

My second [2nd] cousin Ryan is now certified to be a policeman. He's a RoboCop on steriods!


Bad boyz, bad boyz

Whatcha gonna do

When Officer Ryan comes after you?


Busting chops

Taking names

Officer Ryan got no time for petty games


Bad boyz, bad boyz

Whatcha gonna do

When Officer Ryan comes after you?


Freeze, * beep beep *

You been caught and you going to jail

But not before Officer Ryan gives you a taste of Hell


Bad boyz, bad boyz

Whatcha gonna do

When Officer Ryan comes after you?


How ya gonna run? How ya gonna hide?

How ya gonna get away from Office Ryan?

You can fight, but you can’t win.

Officer Ryan gonna do you in


Bad boyz, bad boyz

Whatcha gonna do

When Officer Ryan nails you?

 

Hey, Meredith

Yes, this is my take on “Hey Jude.” That is right, I’ve stood up to Sir Paul and have delivered a personal poem which contains a universal truth -- “And it’s up to you to be you.” Poetry does not get more relevant than that!


Hey, Meredith, you are ten

The whole world will come a’knockin’

Awh, please do not let ‘em in

Just keep on, keep on rockin’


A Cracker Barrel waitress is what I see

Or a nurse, if that is what you want to be

You can be a horseback queen

Or a model, if that is your dream


Hey, girl, the future is yours to do

And it’s up to you to be you


It’s up to you to be you


Any time you hear the knocks, Meredith, do not coolly answer the door

Please wait ‘til you are much older

Well, you will learn, my sweet girl, that it’s a fool who plays it cool

By making the world a little colder


Na na, na na, na na na…


Hey, Meredith, you are ten

The whole world will come a’knockin’

Awh, please do not let ‘em in

Just keep on, keep on rockin’


Na na na, na na na na

Na na na na

Hey, Meredith


Na na na, na na na na

Na na na na

Hey, Meredith


Na na na, na na na na

Na na na na

Hey, Meredith

 

It's Summer!

Pool halls, arcades and a hot dog stand

Bumper cars and a Tilt-A-Whirl

Bikini shops, what a playland

Summer’s here, time for a girl

Got no time for castles in the sand


It’s Summer, where-eh-ever you go, you go

It’s Summer, with Jan & Dean on the radio


My snow cone is drippin’ at my feet

Checking out the girls of the Anchor Green

They wear short shorts as they prowl the street

They be looking for a nighttime dream

As they sleep all day on the beach


It’s Summer, where-eh-ever you go, you go

It’s Summer, with Jan & Dean on the radio


It is my firm philosophy:

Life is short, gotta keep on rockin’

Today, tomorrow and forever to be

But Anchor Green girls keep on knockin’

Wanting to hang out with me


P.S.: The Anchor Green was an ‘iron park’ at the beach where I spent my formative years during the ‘70s. Not being a jock, the sand held no interest for me -- “going to the beach“ meant “going to the Anchor Green.” Sadly, the Anchor Green has lost out to condos.

 

Ode To Saint Nipplos ;)

Jolly ol’ Saint Nipplos

Please leave for me

A big nipple on a boob-los

Under my Nipplos tree


Oh, it’s Nipplos Day, Nipplos Day

It’s every day for me

I need a nipple on a boob, I say

To kiss and suck endlessly


I adore the hotness of wet tees

And, my goodness, a tight bikini

I luv those lil’ poles that make pokies

Oh, Saint Nipplos, what you’re doing to me


Jingle bells ring, and falls the snow

On the roof of a nativity scene

Hope Nipplos brings some mistletoe

To hang over the nipple of a teen


Hey, Saint Nipplos, your reindeer have horns

Does that, my gosh, make ‘em horn-y?

Were they like like that the day they was borns

Or is that horniness just me?


Merry Nipplos Day to all

And to all a goodnight

Suck on a nipple, y’all

And do it right, don’t bite!

Bubblegum Princess

To my buddy Claudia. This is dark sociological commentary about guys who are superficial. It‘s deep, man. Deep :p

I love you, Britney!

With all my heart

C’mon and be with me

Let lovin’ start, let lovin’ start


I really want to know

The girl behind the show

You promise a piece of me

But I, I don’t see


I love you, Britney!

My love is so true

C’mon and be with me

We can start anew, start anew


Do you play Candyland?

Are you a gingerbread man?

So many questions for you

Heavy like the morning dew


I love you, Britney!

With all my heart

C’mon and be with me

Let lovin’ start, let lovin’ start


Oh, Britney Spears

I’ve loved you for years…
 

Lend Me Your Ear (Before I Die)

Get out your hankie.  If you channel Joe Cockers performance at Woodstock of the Beatles’ “With A Little Help From My Friends,” this works really well.  If not, you have a strange brew with the rhyme schemes being off and some of the rhymes being, uh, forced -- “experimental,” you could say.

Lend me your ear, I’ve got something to say

Maybe inspiration, you will find

No, it’s not really that important

Sorry for wasting your time


Nothing worse

Than to live a life unknown

Nothing worse

Than to die alone


When I die, no one will come

No tears will be shed for me

When I die, no bells will ring

No trumpets will blare for me


As I take my last breath

I really want to say

Something important

That will last to the next day


I wish I had been a better uncle

I wish I had been a better friend

I wish I had been better

‘Til the very end

She Was Born The Day Elvis Died

Most of my poetry can be tied to music -- in this case, Don McClean’s “American Pie.” I happen to feel that, if a poem can’t be sung, well, it needs love! :p The first two verses are slow and draggy, but the tempo picks up with the chorus and remains fast-paced -- wish I could explain it better, but I don’t know crap about music.


Don McClean cried out his soul

But the U.S. Army killed rock’n’roll

Too bad he had it wrong -- my girl can’t hide

She was born the day Elvis died


I look for the King every day

Her walk, her talk, her sense of play

Surely, that bond is strong -- my girl can’t hide

She was born the day Elvis died


There must be a connection there

As two souls passed in the air

She must have a piece of his soul

As she sings rock’n’roll


As she sings rock’n’roll


Love me tender, love me sweet, all my dreams fulfilled

Darlin,’ you know, I love you and I always will

As she sings her song -- she can’t hide

She was born the day Elvis died


Lord Almighty, she makes my temperature rise

Lordy, Lordy, with her smoldering eyes

Goodness, she can’t hide

She was born the day Elvis died


P.S.; Who will play ’my girl’ in the movie? Well, I’d like to get Jordon Ladd on the castung couch. ;)

Singin' In The Bathtub

Is nothing sacred!?! This bawdiness was inspired by a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Instead of being rated ‘R,’ consider this to be ‘PG-13.’


Singin’ in the bathtub

La-dee-da-da-dane

Washing all my troubles

Down the drain


Singin’ in the bathtub

La-dee-da-da-dee

Filling up the water

With bubbles and pee


Gettin’ out of the bathtub

La-dee-da-da-dicky

Leaving behind water

That’s just plain icky


Gettin’ out of the bathtub

La-dee-da-da-verse four

I’m more nasty

Than I was before

One In The Morning

Grab your air guitar and strut your stuff. LIFE IS SHORT, MAN. Life is too short. I wonder if AC/DC needs another lyricist?


One in the morning! Let’s rock.


The air is heavy with the smell of panties and silk pajamas too

Cross your legs, baby, or I’ll have to unleash the Mighty Beast

Let’s paint our nails and model a wet tee or two

If this ain’t heaven laid out with a heavenly feast


It’s one in the morning, and I don’t know where I am

But I do know I wanna be in a rock-n-roll band

I wanna be in a rock-n-roll band


Well, you know, I could sniff your panties all night and then some

C’mon, sugar, let me see a little stubby camel toe

Let’s play kissing games all around for everyone

My name has been called, or, well, I think so


It’s one in the morning, and I don’t know who I am

But I do know I wanna be in a rock-n-roll band

I wanna be in a rock-n-roll band


I wanna be, I wanna be in a rock-n-roll band

I wanna be in a rock-n-roll band, in a rock-n-roll band
 

Four Little Bastards

A gangbang, violence, incest -- what more could you want!?! :p This is a bawdy take on the “5 Little Monkeys” nursery rhyme.


Four little bastards doing a girl

Making her head spin in a whirl

Daddy bust in with a gun in his hand

Shot a little bastard in the naughty gland

Daddy said “gotta save my little girl”


Three little bastards doing a girl

Making her head spin in a whirl

Daddy bust in with a gun in his hand

Shot a little bastard in the naughty gland

Daddy said “gotta save my little girl”


Two little bastards doing a girl

Making her head spin in a whirl

Daddy bust in with a gun in his hand

Shot a little bastard in the naughty gland

Daddy said “gotta save my little girl”


One little bastard doing a girl

Making her head spin in a whirl

Daddy bust in with a gun in his hand

Shot the little bastard in the naughty gland

Daddy said “gotta save my little girl… for myself”


OK, this is a PG take on the “5 Little Monkeys” nursery rhyme.


Five little monkeys jumping on a bed

One fell off and bumped his head

Mama endangered children and was arres-ted

She shouldn’t let little monkeys jump on the bed

Why Do The Good Go Blind?

I don’t think this works as well as “No Christmas Tree For Me 2013,” but, anyway -- maybe I should ‘be inspired’ * cough, cough * by McCartney more often, huh? Inspired by Billy Joel’s “Only The Good Die Young” -- well, at least, the title. :p Does the “Billy” in the first line refer to Billy Joel or Billy Graham? Wouldn’t you like to know? Boy, being a poet is fun!


Tell me, Billy, tell me the way

I pray in your church every day

Never met a blind man who was not OK


Why do the good go blind?


Please tell me the answer before it’s too late

I sit and wonder full of hate

What can I do to avoid my fate?


Why do the good go blind?


So many questions, too little time

The answers, I can’t find

Why do the good go blind?


Oh, why do the good go blind?


There are times…

When I want to rip this veil away

But I know it’s here to stay

No matter how good I am…


Why do the good go blind?

Hey, why do the good go blind?

I really want to know, why, why do the good go blind?

Peace, Love And Lava (Meredith's Gift)

The silliness continues…


I bought my girl a lava lamp

Gonna make her a flower child

Lava is so soothing

It will make her meek and mild


“Peace, love and lava”

Is what she’ll say

She’ll dance to weird music

And her parents will curse the day


I bought my girl a lava lamp

A flower child, you see

Groovy, man

Man, groo-vee!


P.S.: Coming next -- “I bought my girl a black light” -- :p